I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
