So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
