Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
