Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
