somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
