He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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