thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
