Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
