im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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