I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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