Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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