You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pants are for mortals
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
