Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
