Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
