Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
