I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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