I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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