i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
