Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
