are you so shy because you have an std?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
