i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
