when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
