they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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