we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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