those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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