Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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