why didn't you poke me back
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize