My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
