By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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