this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize