This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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