I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
