i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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