Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
