Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
