I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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