Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
