if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
