I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize