I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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