he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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