My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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