the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
