Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
