we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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