i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
