so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
