What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
