I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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