never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
