I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
soo... how was my night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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