Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
