May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
