these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
