Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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