apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
