nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
