That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I will pee on everything he values.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
