Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize