I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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