Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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