just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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