Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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