im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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