hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Never underestimate the power of titties
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
