Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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