I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
