I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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