She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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