Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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