I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would ride that face into the sunset
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
