Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
