i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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