I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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