No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
