I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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