I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
