420 ftw
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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