So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
