Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
