I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
