If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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