Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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