when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
