Kiss
Puke
My friends, they love my intelligence
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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