I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
