I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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