i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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