im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize