you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize