I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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