How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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