wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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