in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
