And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
