why didn't you poke me back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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