The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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