maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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