I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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