And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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