He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
