His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
