sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
