when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
