Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Less talking, more tequila
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
